Thursday, February 28, 2013

A review of "Sand Sharks"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Sand Sharks”
By: Brian Cotnoir

     We have reached the end of “Corin Nemec Appreciation Month” here on Confessions with a Film Junkie.  I hope you all have a new found admiration for the acting talents of Mr. Corin Nemec.  We will close out the month with a review of “Sand Sharks”—in my opinion Corin Nemec’s Best Movie role.     
“Sand Sharks” is the story of a of a man named Jimmy Green(burg)—played by his awesomeness Corin Nemec—as he returns to the Island town of White Sands, where he grew up, in hopes of becoming a success.  Many people in White Sands look down on Jimmy because they think he’s a lazy slacker who thinks up of crazy ideas that usually end up causing a lot of damage and money.  Jimmy makes a plea to the Mayor of White Sands (who coincidentally happens to be his father) to let him host a Spring Break bash in White Sands.  Jimmy’s father is greatly impressed with all the thought, details, and marketing ideas his son has come up with and he grants Jimmy the permits to host his Spring Break bash.  However an earthquake happens underneath the island and it releases an ancient prehistoric predator; the sand shark.  The sand sharks have special gills that allow them to absorb the water from beach sand so they can survive and they can navigate through the beaches like a hot knife going through butter.  The sand sharks pose a deadly risk to anyone who steps foot on the beach, but are they enough to get Jimmy to give up on his plan to throw the biggest Spring Break party ever???             
Hey How Awesome is Corin Nemec, right?
I don’t know what is up with the recent trend of people creating “Jaws” spoofs, but all this film really is, is a PG-13 version of “Piranha”.  I could totally see this film on something like TBS or SyFy channel during the summer.  As a film, it is extremely corny, but nonetheless a harmless film to watch.  There’s no nudity in the film, the CG sand sharks are really lame, the violence isn’t to over the top and the acting ranges from mediocre to good.  Corin Nemec’s character is hands down the most entertaining character in the film.  There’s this running joke in the film where he tries to impersonate his father, but he can’t, so he quotes the things his father says by talking like Sean Connery or Liam Neeson, and there’s even a point where he acknowledges in the film that he was impersonating another celebrities voice, because he doesn’t know how to impersonate his own father.                                   
"Insert Caption" Contest Here!
    The only other major star in this film is Brooke Hogan—daughter of Professional Wrestling Legend, “Hulk Hogan”.  Let me just say that if you thought Brooke Hogan’s singing was bad, she’s even worst as an actress.  Throughout the whole film she just sounds so bored and so unenthused.  The only other actor in the film that is worst than Brooke Hogan is Robert Pike Daniel who plays the old, drunken sea man, Angus McSorely.  He’s basically just trying to be like Robert Shaw’s character from “Jaws” only he is way over-the-top and terrible. 
    My final feelings on the film “Sand Sharks” is this. If you’re the parent of a child between the ages of 11-14 and they want a “scary” movie to watch, then this is ideal for them.  It’s not too violent, it’s not too vulgar, and it should provide them with a few laughs.  Anyone outside that age group I feel will not like this film.     

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