Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “The Last House on Cemetery Lane”
By: Brian Cotnoir
Good news “The Mooring”; you’re no longer the Most Boring Horror film I’ve ever sat through, not after sitting through the 2015 film “The Last House on Cemetery Lane”. And trust me; this film is so boring that’ll put you to sleep faster and better than Nyquil. Let’s not waste any more time, and dive into the Horror Snoozefest that is “The Last House on Cemetery Lane”.
So the film opens up with a Real Estate Agent played by an actress who looks like he/she got a botched sex change operation from the same doctor who did Bruce Jenner’s, showing a new rental property to a client named John Davies who is looking for a getaway so he work on his Horror screenplay (UGH!). However, this new property comes with one small condition: the 3rd floor of the house is permanently rented out to an elderly blind woman named Agnes. John is not happy, because he wanted to be left alone to work on his screenplay, but the Real Estate Agent assures him that Agnes will be no trouble at all. So John moves in and tries to work on his screenplay, but he finds it difficult to focus on his work, and he finds himself being charmed by a cute neighbor, named Cassie. Not only that, but some bizarre things began to happen around the house, and John begins to suspect that it may be Agnes, or quite possibly something more sinister a foot.
|Do whatever you want to me just dont |
make me watch this stupid film again!
|Awful! All of you are just awful!|
The thing that concerns me the most about “The Last House on Cemetery Lane” is how it was first presented to me: I found this film on Netflix, and when I saw the star rating on it, it had all 5-Stars filled in, and came HIGHLY recommended to me, based on the films I’ve rated on the site, and so I was expecting to see the next, best, unknown Horror film, and what I got was a Nyquil in DVD form! There are only two reasons I could think of for why anybody would possibly want to see “The Last House on Cemetery Lane”: 1.) A Person suffers from severe insomnia and is looking for something to help them fall asleep or 2.)If you ever have to take care of a person who has suffered severe brain damage and you need to put something on for background noise to distract them while you do work around the house. Other than those two types of people nobody will benefit or gain anything from watching “The Last House on Cemetery Lane”, without a doubt one of the worst and most boring Horror films I have sat through to date.