Confessions of a Film Junkie: A Review of “Teeth”
By: Brian Cotnoir
I had heard a lot of great things about the “cult-horror” film “Teeth” so I decided to give it a watch and surprisingly I was kind of disappointed with this film.
“Teeth” tells the story of a young high school girl named Dawn. Dawn is your typical movie girl-next-door; blonde, beautiful, a good student, devoutly religious, and an all around outstanding citizen. One activity that Dawn likes to take part in is giving speeches to groups of children encouraging them to remain abstinent. Dawn dreams of the day when she will meet Mr. Right and share with him the greatest gift of all. She ends up falling head over heels in love with a boy named Toby and all seem to be going great for our young movie couple, but one day Toby snaps and forces himself on to Dawn. Dawn pleads with Toby to stop so that they can both remain “pure”, but Toby refuses and because he refuses to stop his penis gets bitten off by Dawn’s vagina. Yes, you read that statement correctly; our main characters vagina contains rows of razor sharp teeth and they will bite and sever the limbs off of any person who tries entering Dawn without her willing consent.
Now there are something’s I really like about this film and there are other things I didn’t like about this film. I really liked the premise of the story because it is original, creative and it’s something we’ve never seen in a horror movie before. I liked the scenes where Dawn’s vagina attacked people because they were both violent and hilarious. The special effects in this film are pretty good too and the ending was just great.
The one thing I didn’t like about this film was the acting/casting. The acting for this film was far too bland and I found the characters to be very one-dimensional, unoriginal, and incredibly boring. Not one actors performance stuck out in my mind, which I find upsetting because I would have thought that a film with a story as wild as this, the actors would have had fun a lot of fun with their characters. This movie was also pretty boring at points and I only really found the last 20 minutes of the film to be really entertaining.
So my conclusion on “Teeth” is this; I didn’t love it, but I certainly didn’t hate it, and if someone were to ask me if they should see this film I would say yes. So if you’re looking for a cheap fix of movie violence with a little bit of vengeance tossed in then you should go and watch “Teeth”.