Classics: A Review of I Used To Be Normal: A Boyband Fangirl Story By Lauren Ennis

Music is more than an art form; its a means of communication, a vessel for inspiration, a method of self-expression, and a retreat from the trials of daily life. Regardless of your musical tastes everyone has a soundtrack to their lives which with just a few notes can instantly transport back them to a time, place, and state of mind that they had all but forgotten. With its ability to transcend generations, cultures, and languages, it is little wonder why so many feel a passion for music. What happens when this healthy enjoyment of and appreciation for music extends beyond the realms of the norm? What does is mean when you love a song, singer, or band so much that it hurts? Jessica Leski's 2018 documentary I Used To Be Normal: A Boyband Fangirl Story answers these questions and more as it explores the ways in which four women's lives are shaped by their love for boybands. Through its by turns comical and compelling look at four self-proclaimed 'fangirls' I Used To Be Normal serves as both a fascinating look at a specific sub-culture and an apt reminder of the basic need to connect with others through something larger than ourselves.

Normal is overrated

The film begins with familiar images of popular boybands across the decades and their legions of devoted fans. Even as the eras and bands in question change, however, the fans in these images remain eerily similar as they shriek, cheer, and cry in virtually identical displays of unabashed devotion. The film then subverts viewer expectations by shifting its focus from the nameless crowds of hysterical fans and introduces its four unlikely heroines. Despite their vast differences aspiring singer Elif, writer Sadia, athlete turned brand strategist Dara, and film producer Susan share a common bond through their mutual passion for boybands. Over the course of its ninety-three minute running time the film follows its subjects through four years in the life of a fangirl. With the passage of time each of the women grow and change, and their musical passions follow suit, evolving in surprising and profound ways. By the film's conclusion, each of the women has experienced a unique journey rife with trials and triumphs, but through it all they continue to find solace, connection, and inspiration in the bands of which they are such ardent fans

At first glance four women discussing their passion for boybands seems like the stuff of sketch comedy rather than documentary film making. As each of the women's stories unfold, however, it becomes difficult not to be drawn into the giddy world of fangirls. The film uses the diverse accounts of each of its subjects to reveal the positive role of fandom as a community and outlet while refusing to shy away from its darker aspects. For example, for teenage Elif her love of One Direction goes beyond a mere love of music to an idealization of the band members that borders on obsession. Her fixation upon 'the boys' (as she affectionately refers to them) has proved to be a source of both solace and strife. She explains that before her introduction to the band she was well rounded with flourishing social and academic lives. As a fangirl, however, her social and academic pursuits are neglected in favor of band related activities, leaving her isolated from her friends and constantly at odds with her parents and teachers. While her account begins as a cautionary tale of fandom gone too far her story ultimately proves to be an uplifting one as she learns to constructively channel her passion and becomes inspired to make her own music.

Two of the film's other subjects, Sadia and Dara express similarly mixed emotions about their respective fixations upon The Backstreet Boys and Take That. While Sadia's adoration for The Backstreet Boys was a source of contention between her and her conservative Muslim parents the band's music also lent her an essential outlet through which she could process the raging hormones and romantic longings that she could never reveal at home. Similarly, Dara's fascination with Take That helped her too grapple with her sexuality as she came to the realization that her obsession was rooted not in a physical attraction to the band's members, but instead in her desire to emulate them. Both Sadia and Dara acknowledge the toll that their love of boybands has taken upon their love lives, but they also proudly trace the origins of their successful careers to the inspiration and motivation that they found in their favorite pop songs.

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the film is the way that boybands continue to play an essential role in each of its subject's lives even as they mature and age. This is especially true of die-hard Beatles fan Susan who credits her ability to weather her life's most devastating storms to the solace she found in the fab four's music. Much like Elif and Sadia Susan describes how her love of The Beatles allowed her a safe way to rebel against oppressive gender roles and overbearing parents. As she grew older her passion for the band became less of a girlish infatuation and more of a source of musical therapy and inspiration as she turned to the band's tunes when her friend was diagnosed with cancer and used Beatlemania as the backdrop for her first screenplay. For each of these women being a fangirl is not a phase, fad, or even a choice. Instead it is a lifestyle that continues to mold and shape each of their lives, and none of them would have it any other way. This extreme level of fandom may not be normal, but as Dara says, "a normal life is like a song without a big chorus, and what good is a song without a big chorus?".

Charming, compelling, and refreshingly self-aware I Used To Be Normal is a delightfully offbeat journey into the world of fandom. Through its empathetic approach the film allows viewers to get to know the names, faces, and unique stories behind the anonymous crowds of hysterical fans. At once a unique look at a specific subculture and a universal homage to the fanatic in us all I Used To Be Normal is both utterly original and entirely timeless. So put on your favorite band and rock out along with the silver screen's newest fab four in I Used To Be Normal.

TriCoast Entertainment will release the film onto digital platforms (Amazon, inDemand, DirecTV, Hoopla, Vimeo on Demand, AT&T, FlixFing, Vudu, FANDANGO, Sling/Dish) on Sept. 17th.