Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Sand Sharks”
By: Brian Cotnoir
We have reached the
end of “Corin Nemec Appreciation Month” here on Confessions with a Film
Junkie. I hope you all have a new found
admiration for the acting talents of Mr. Corin Nemec. We will close out the month with a review of
“Sand Sharks”—in my opinion Corin Nemec’s Best
Movie role.
“Sand
Sharks” is the story of a of a man named Jimmy Green(burg)—played by his awesomeness
Corin Nemec—as he returns to the Island town of White Sands, where he grew up,
in hopes of becoming a success. Many
people in White Sands look down on Jimmy because they think he’s a lazy slacker
who thinks up of crazy ideas that usually end up causing a lot of damage and
money. Jimmy makes a plea to the Mayor
of White Sands (who coincidentally happens to be his father) to let him host a
Spring Break bash in White Sands.
Jimmy’s father is greatly impressed with all the thought, details, and
marketing ideas his son has come up with and he grants Jimmy the permits to
host his Spring Break bash. However an
earthquake happens underneath the island and it releases an ancient prehistoric
predator; the sand shark. The sand
sharks have special gills that allow them to absorb the water from beach sand
so they can survive and they can navigate through the beaches like a hot knife
going through butter. The sand sharks
pose a deadly risk to anyone who steps foot on the beach, but are they enough
to get Jimmy to give up on his plan to throw the biggest Spring Break party
ever???
Hey How Awesome is Corin Nemec, right? |
I don’t know what is
up with the recent trend of people creating “Jaws” spoofs, but all this film
really is, is a PG-13 version of “Piranha”.
I could totally see this film on something like TBS or SyFy channel
during the summer. As a film, it is
extremely corny, but nonetheless a harmless film to watch. There’s no nudity in the film, the CG sand
sharks are really lame, the violence isn’t to over the top and the acting
ranges from mediocre to good. Corin
Nemec’s character is hands down the most entertaining character in the
film. There’s this running joke in the
film where he tries to impersonate his father, but he can’t, so he quotes the
things his father says by talking like Sean Connery or Liam Neeson, and there’s
even a point where he acknowledges in the film that he was impersonating
another celebrities voice, because he doesn’t know how to impersonate his own
father.
"Insert Caption" Contest Here! |
The
only other major star in this film is Brooke Hogan—daughter of Professional
Wrestling Legend, “Hulk Hogan”. Let me
just say that if you thought Brooke Hogan’s singing was bad, she’s even worst
as an actress. Throughout the whole film
she just sounds so bored and so unenthused.
The only other actor in the film that is worst than Brooke Hogan is
Robert Pike Daniel who plays the old, drunken sea man, Angus McSorely. He’s basically just trying to be like Robert
Shaw’s character from “Jaws” only he is way over-the-top and terrible.
My final feelings on the
film “Sand Sharks” is this. If you’re the parent of a child between the ages of
11-14 and they want a “scary” movie to watch, then this is ideal for them. It’s not too violent, it’s not too vulgar,
and it should provide them with a few laughs.
Anyone outside that age group I feel will not like this film.
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