A review of "Cool World"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Cool World”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     Where do I begin to describe to mind-fuck of insanity that is Ralph Bakshi’s “Cool World”?  I think the unholy, inbred, bastard off-spring of “Heavy Metal” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” is a pretty accurate description.  This is one of the worst films I have ever seen.  It is a film that is part animation and part live action, and when you combine both of those elements all you end up with is a horrid excrement shit out by a brain dead monkey.  Now let’s dissect the story of this anus of a film (assuming that it actually had a fucking story!) and find out why I thought that “Cool World” is one of the worst films ever made.                                          

Dear God, Brad! How desperate were you for work?

    The film opens in Las Vegas in 1945 and our main character Frank Harris, who is played by Brad Pitt, has just returned home following the end of World War II.  Upon his return to the U.S. Frank decides to take his mother on his motorcycle, which he says he won over seas in a poker game.  Frank and his mother appear to be having the time of their lives while riding on Frank’s motorcycle, when all of a sudden they are hit by a drunk driver.  Frank is badly injured and his mother dies as a result of the accident, but before the paramedics can take Frank to be treated he is transported from the real world and is brought into a mysterious-animated place filled with destruction and anarchy known as “Cool World”.  Why was he brought to “Cool World” you may ask; I don’t know, it’s NEVER explained.       

Jack Deebs and the animated Miss Holli Would.

Cool World is actually a fictional comic book world created by Gabriel Byrne’s character, Jack Deebs.  Deeb’s has just been released from prison for murder and he passed the time of his prison sentence by drawing and fantasizing about one of “Cool World’s” animated characters, Miss Holli Would—who is both voiced and played by Kim Bassinger.  Deeb’s soon discovers that he can transport himself back and forth between reality and Cool World whenever he wants.  So Deeb’s finds Holli and the two of them get-it-on, which is a problem because the number one rule of Cool World is that Humans and cartoon characters do not have sex with one another.  Why, because apparently when a “Toon” has sex with a human it turns the “Toon” into a human.  So Deeb’s and Holli escape to the real world where Holli takes off and begins to spread chaos.  Now it’s up to Detective Frank Harris to find Holli and stop her from destroying reality and all forms of existence. 

     There are so many things wrong with this film that I’m afraid I won’t be able to cover all of them.  The animated parts for this film just suck; there’s nothing cool or exciting about them and there are actually a few scenes in the film were the animation is clearly unfinished.   Not to mention it’s really hard to follow the story and the main cast because there are random character’s attacking one another and exploding throughout the film.                                  

Seriously.  What the Heck is This???

Another problem I have with this film is that I don’t know who the target audience is for “Cool World”.  The story and the subjects that come up in this film suggest that it was made for adults, but the animation looks like something you’d see in a children’s Saturday morning cartoon.  I wouldn’t actually be surprised if a lot of parents took their children to see this film in theatres when it was first released because the animation is so reminiscent of the early Disney and Warner Brothers cartoons.  If I had to decide I’d say that “Cool World” is definitely more of an adult movie, but for every adult theme I saw in this movie I saw about three other things that made me think of a children’s cartoon.  There is just nothing consistent about this film.                                              

I don’t think anyone should ever see this movie.  “Cool World” is just too unintelligent and too confusing for most human minds to grasp, and that goes for both children and adults.  Throughout the duration of this film I kept finding more and more things to complain about and hate about this movie.  The only part I actually liked about this film was Brad Pitt because even though this was a really shitty movie with a really shitty script, he still tried his best to be a serious actor and do the best job he could, but unfortunately this is one of those rare instances where Brad Pitt’s presence cannot stop a movie from sucking.  I think all copies of “Cool World” should be gathered and then placed in an airplane, and then that airplane should be flown into the mouth of an active volcano so they can all be destroyed, and the painful memories people have of this film will quickly fade away into obscurity.  And if after all this you’re still naïve enough (or more likely STUPID enough)to see this film then I have no sympathy for you because I tried to warn you about how terrible this film was and instead you let your own ignorance get in the way 100% your fault!    

A review of "Witchery"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Witchery”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     This is one of those films that is so bad that it’s actually very entertaining.  After doing some further research into the film, I have discovered that this film has a few different titles. “La Casa 4” and “Witchcraft” are two popular names for this film, but for the sake of avoiding confusion we will refer this film to what it was referred to when I watched it, “Witchery”.  Even more shocking to me is that “Witchery” (which is known as “La Casa 4” in Italy) is the first sequel to “La Casa 3” which is often referred to as the “Unofficial Evil Dead 3”?!  I never knew there was such a thing as an “Evil Dead 3”! I always just assumed that “Army of Darkness” was “Evil Dead 3”, but apparently I was wrong.                                   

 So the story of “Witchery” actually takes place in an abandoned hotel off the coast of Massachusetts where our main characters Gary and Linda—played by David Hasselhoff and Catherine Hickland—are doing research on witchcraft.  While conducting their research in the abandoned hotel the “island” is invaded by realtors and family that is thinking about buying the property.  Hasselhoff, Hickland, and the others get stranded on the island and have to spend the night in the old abandoned hotel, and after that some crazy, spooky things begin to happen and all hell breaks loose.                                      

  This film is nothing like the “Evil Dead” films. They share some aspects, but to call “Witchery” a sequel to “Evil Dead” is a flat out lie!  The acting in this film is terrible; only David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair do any real acting and Hasselhoff still is no Ash. I actually liked the bad acting though.  It made me laugh hysterically and that was the one thing that kept me from hating this movie.                                           

 Also I liked that I’ve actually been to a lot of the places where “Witchery” was filmed and I didn’t even realize it.  I’ve spent a lot of my childhood on Cape Cod and to see some of the places I’ve been in the film was just exciting and made me want to go back for a visit.  “Witchery” is a corny/campy film and even if you’re a person who’s a real wuss when it comes to horror movies, then this is the film for you!