A review of "Edward Scissorhands

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A Review of “Edward Scissorhands”

By: Brian Cotnoir

                One of my favorite films of all-time is “Edward Scissorhands”, which tells us the story of a young man named Edward, who was created by a scientist, played by the late and always amazing Vincent Price, to look and act like a real human being.  Unfortunately, the scientist dies before Edward could be completed and thus he is left all alone up in the scientist’s mansion with giant scissors for hands.  Edward spends his entire life up in the scientist’s mansion, until one day an Avon sales woman, named Peggy, decides to head up to the dark mansion, in hopes of making a sale.  After she finds a clearly frightened Edward she decides to invite him home with her.  Against all odds, Edward becomes a hit with just about everyone in neighborhood.  The neighbors are all fascinated by this man with scissors for hands and do their best to make him feel welcome.  Edward eventually falls for Peggy’s daughter Kim, who is played by Winona Ryder.  Kim intially rejects Edward, but as the film progresses she begins to like him more and more.  This friendship between Edward and Kim incites many violent confrantations from Kim’s jealous, macho-man boyfriend, played by Anthony Michael Hall.  What follows next is a whirlwind of romance, discovery, art, and crimes of passion.                                                                                                                

     It should come as a surpise to no one that the person who directed “Edward Scissorhands” was the always creative and always bizzarre, Tim Burton.  Everything Burton did to this film is amazing.  I especially like how he made all the houses and cars in the neighborhood these bright and obnoxious colors.  Growing up as an angsty teenager, I always saw those bright colroed cars and homes as a representation of how fake and phony the world really is and how everyone is always trying to cover up its imperfections and indiscretions.                                                                                                                                                    

       The star of the film is noneother than Johnny Depp.  I always like when Tim Burton and Johnny Depp do film collaborations with one another because it always results in an epic film with a creative story and fun cast.  Even though Depp is the star of the film, he really does not have many lines, which I do like.  Most of the film shows Edward exploring and discovering the world around him.  I really like his facial expressions throughout the film; they are priceless.                                                                                                                

      I’ve always believed that the one thing that makes a really good actor is not the lines they read, or how they speak, or what accent they use; I believe that the one thing that makes a person a good actor or actress is their ability to envoke a response without saying a word.  Depps facial expressions fill your heart and your mind with feelings of humor, sympathy, and a deep understanding.                                                      

     Everything about “Edward Scissorhands” is great; the casting, the acting, the story, the music, the setting, the cinematography, absolutely everything.  “Edward Scissorhands” is just simply one of those perfect films that come along once in great time.  Everytime Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Danny Elfman collaborate together you can guarentee that your end results is going to be one amazing film.  If you don’t like “Edward Scissorhands” than you have no soul!

A review of "Sixty-Six"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Sixty-Six”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     “Sixty-Six” is a wonderful heart-warming independent comedy/drama that was released in 2006.  The film takes place in England during the summer of the 1966 World Cup, and young Bernard “Bernie” Rubens is very excited about making his Bar Mitzvah.  Unfortunately, for Bernie the day of his Bar Mitzvah is also the day of the World Cup soccer final.  Because most English residents minds are pre-occupied with the World Cup the guests—family, friends, and neighbors—begin telling, Bernie, that they will come to his Bar Mitzvah unless England makes it to the finals, and now Bernie is determined more than ever to make sure that England does not make it to the World Cup finals.       

    One thing I liked about this film is that it is actually based off a true story from the film’s director, Paul Weiland.  Weiland’s Bart Mitzvah was held on the same day as the World Cup finals in 1966, and because England made it to the finals many of the guests canceled and made up excuses as to why they could not go to his Bar Mitzvah.  Now parts of the film were exaggerated—mostly to add dramatic effect—but to me that just added more things to like about the films story.  To think that people actually put a sporting event ahead of the feelings of young boy is absolutely astonishing, and I praise Mr. Weiland for expressing some of his deep personal feelings in this film for others to enjoy. 

    Another great thing about the film “Sixty-Six” is the casting.  Actress Helena Bonham Carter plays Bernie’s always optimistic and down-to-earth mother and actor Eddie Marsan is wonderful as Bernie’s neurotic, high strung, and paranoid father, Manny.  I believe that Eddie Marsan is a highly underrated actor.  He hasn’t really been in many leading roles, but he has given wonderful performances as a supporting actor in a lot of popular films.  “The Illusionist”, “Sherlock Holmes” (2009), “V for Vendetta”, “Gangster No. 1”, “Gangs of New York” and “Hancock” are just a few of the mainstream films that Marsan has been featured in and did a wonderful job as an excellent supporting cast member.   

    Then there’s the star of the film, Gregg Sulkin, who plays the films protagonist, Bernie Rubens.  I think Sulkin gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen done by a child actor.  I like the way that Sulkin plays Bernie because it reminded me of Peter Ostrum as “Charlie” in “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” (1971).  The same way that Bernie wanted his Bar Mitzvah reminded me of how Charlie wanted that golden ticket, and just like Charlie in “Willy Wonka” when something didn’t go Bernie’s way or didn’t turn out the way hoped he expressed anger, frustration, and disappointment.  Everyone in the film keeps telling Bernie to grow up and be a man, but the truth is that even though a Bar Mitzvah is supposed to be when a young Jewish boy becomes a “man”, Bernie is still just a kid and has all the same emotions and typical reactions that most kids put in that position would have.  I also like how Sulkin’s character had many great relationships with other characters in the film such as his mother, father, brother, his doctor, and Rabbi.            

    So in conclusion, I really liked “Sixty-Six”.  It was a wonderful independent British comedy/drama and I enjoyed every minute of it. The film has its emotional ups and downs, but the film does end on happy note and I think most people will really enjoy this film.

A review of "Teeth"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A Review of “Teeth”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     I had heard a lot of great things about the “cult-horror” film “Teeth” so I decided to give it a watch and surprisingly I was kind of disappointed with this film.                 

     “Teeth” tells the story of a young high school girl named Dawn.  Dawn is your typical movie girl-next-door; blonde, beautiful, a good student, devoutly religious, and an all around outstanding citizen.  One activity that Dawn likes to take part in is giving speeches to groups of children encouraging them to remain abstinent.  Dawn dreams of the day when she will meet Mr. Right and share with him the greatest gift of all.  She ends up falling head over heels in love with a boy named Toby and all seem to be going great for our young movie couple, but one day Toby snaps and forces himself on to Dawn.  Dawn pleads with Toby to stop so that they can both remain “pure”, but Toby refuses and because he refuses to stop his penis gets bitten off by Dawn’s vagina.  Yes, you read that statement correctly; our main characters vagina contains rows of razor sharp teeth and they will bite and sever the limbs off of any person who tries entering Dawn without her willing consent.  

    Now there are something’s I really like about this film and there are other things I didn’t like about this film.  I really liked the premise of the story because it is original, creative and it’s something we’ve never seen in a horror movie before.   I liked the scenes where Dawn’s vagina attacked people because they were both violent and hilarious.  The special effects in this film are pretty good too and the ending was just great.  

    The one thing I didn’t like about this film was the acting/casting.  The acting for this film was far too bland and I found the characters to be very one-dimensional, unoriginal, and incredibly boring.  Not one actors performance stuck out in my mind, which I find upsetting because I would have thought that a film with a story as wild as this, the actors would have had fun a lot of fun with their characters.  This movie was also pretty boring at points and I only really found the last 20 minutes of the film to be really entertaining.                    

    So my conclusion on “Teeth” is this; I didn’t love it, but I certainly didn’t hate it, and if someone were to ask me if they should see this film I would say yes.  So if you’re looking for a cheap fix of movie violence with a little bit of vengeance tossed in then you should go and watch “Teeth”.               

A review of “Daddy’s Girl”

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Daddy’s Girl”

By: Brian Cotnoir

   The 1996 Horror movie “Daddy’s Girl” is one of the worst attempts I have seen of someone trying to make a film.  The synopsis of the film is something totally unoriginal and it is something that we have seen in other horror films before; a loving suburban family adopts a seemingly sweet, innocent, and harmless orphan girl to raise as their own.  The child appears to be absolutely perfect, but then something in them snaps and the child starts the slow ascent into the “Electra complex” and starts killing people who try to take their father away from them, while at the same time trying to show off their childlike innocence and charm in public.      
                        

Gabrielle Boni plays the films Evil Ginger Child

My number one problem with this story is the subtlety of the actors.  There is just nothing subtle about any of the actors in this film and a lot of the things they say are just too blunt, and because of their bluntness the story and the film suffer greatly. The lead child actress in this film, Gabrielle Boni, is convincing as a young sociopath, but does not show many other real emotions in the film, and every adult in this film seems totally unsuspicious that this 11-year-old girl is talking about murder and makes the most morbid remarks at others misfortunes.  I can’t tell if the other actors are trying to portray ignorance or if they’re just stupid.  I find it kind of sad that the best actors in the film were the two child actors.  Every adult actor in this film portrayed their roles with blind ignorance and act like total morons.  I wouldn’t be surprised if none of them have found work in acting since the release of this film.                                     

   
   I’ve seen this kind of story done in other films before and I’ve even seen a few of them done well, but “Daddy’s Girl” doesn’t even come close being a good film; this film makes “Case 39” look like “Silence of the Lambs” it’s that bad. This film could have had potential but instead it to remain as a speck on the excrements of what is a truly awful horror film.         

A review of "Cannibal Holocaust"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A Review of “Cannibal Holocaust”

By: Brian Cotnoir

Regarded as one of the most controversial films of all-time, “Cannibal Holocaust” tells the story of an anthropologist, named Harold Monroe, who goes to the Amazon in search of four young documentary makers who went missing while they were filming indigenous tribes.  Monroe eventually locates the tribe that the documentarians were filming and at first the tribes greet Dr. Monroe and his group with fear and hostility, but eventually they come to peace.  Monroe leans that the four people he went searching for were murdered by the tribe.  Fortunately, for Monroe the tribe still had saved the documentarian’s film reels.  After viewing the reels, Monroe learns about what really happened to the young filmmakers and how they met their most unfortunate demise.                                                                               

     This film shows a lot of horrible things.  It’s excessively, violent and graphic to point of nausea.  The film’s director, Ruggero Deodato, went as far as to have live animals killed for this film.  Let me just say you never EVER want to hear a turtle or cotamundi scream out in pain.  This film has been banned in many different countries; including the United States (the ban was lifted in 1985).   I think if the film didn’t show actual animals being killed than it would probably be one of my favorite films because I like the films story and the special effects are some of the best I have ever seen; when they show scenes where one of the characters is being murdered it actually looks very realistic and you could swear that a person was actually killed.  The effects are so good that many people who first saw “Cannibal Holocaust” thought that it was an actual documentary and Deodato was put on trial for murder in Italy.  Members of the cast had to appear in court to show that they were still alive, so Deodato could be acquitted.  Anyone who makes a film so realistic that they get put on trial for murder has got to have talent.               

   I’m absolutely clueless as to whether I should recommend this film to people because I personally liked parts of it, but again there were those few things that made me think I was going to vomit, and it wasn’t just animal deaths that made me feel nauseas.  There’s a scene that shows one of the villagers being impaled and another where one of the documentarians is castrated by the tribe and it all looks so real!  I’ve shown this film to four other people and it left them all completely speechless, but the one thought they all had was “I’m-not-quite-sure-how-I-felt-about-the-things-I-saw-in-this-movie”.  So if you’re feeling a daring (and can actually find a DVD copy of the film) I wish you the best of luck, but be forewarned, there isn’t any movie like this out there that I can compare it to, and I don’t think another movie this graphic and this violent will ever be made again.

A review of "Cool World"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Cool World”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     Where do I begin to describe to mind-fuck of insanity that is Ralph Bakshi’s “Cool World”?  I think the unholy, inbred, bastard off-spring of “Heavy Metal” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” is a pretty accurate description.  This is one of the worst films I have ever seen.  It is a film that is part animation and part live action, and when you combine both of those elements all you end up with is a horrid excrement shit out by a brain dead monkey.  Now let’s dissect the story of this anus of a film (assuming that it actually had a fucking story!) and find out why I thought that “Cool World” is one of the worst films ever made.                                          

Dear God, Brad! How desperate were you for work?

    The film opens in Las Vegas in 1945 and our main character Frank Harris, who is played by Brad Pitt, has just returned home following the end of World War II.  Upon his return to the U.S. Frank decides to take his mother on his motorcycle, which he says he won over seas in a poker game.  Frank and his mother appear to be having the time of their lives while riding on Frank’s motorcycle, when all of a sudden they are hit by a drunk driver.  Frank is badly injured and his mother dies as a result of the accident, but before the paramedics can take Frank to be treated he is transported from the real world and is brought into a mysterious-animated place filled with destruction and anarchy known as “Cool World”.  Why was he brought to “Cool World” you may ask; I don’t know, it’s NEVER explained.       

Jack Deebs and the animated Miss Holli Would.

Cool World is actually a fictional comic book world created by Gabriel Byrne’s character, Jack Deebs.  Deeb’s has just been released from prison for murder and he passed the time of his prison sentence by drawing and fantasizing about one of “Cool World’s” animated characters, Miss Holli Would—who is both voiced and played by Kim Bassinger.  Deeb’s soon discovers that he can transport himself back and forth between reality and Cool World whenever he wants.  So Deeb’s finds Holli and the two of them get-it-on, which is a problem because the number one rule of Cool World is that Humans and cartoon characters do not have sex with one another.  Why, because apparently when a “Toon” has sex with a human it turns the “Toon” into a human.  So Deeb’s and Holli escape to the real world where Holli takes off and begins to spread chaos.  Now it’s up to Detective Frank Harris to find Holli and stop her from destroying reality and all forms of existence. 

     There are so many things wrong with this film that I’m afraid I won’t be able to cover all of them.  The animated parts for this film just suck; there’s nothing cool or exciting about them and there are actually a few scenes in the film were the animation is clearly unfinished.   Not to mention it’s really hard to follow the story and the main cast because there are random character’s attacking one another and exploding throughout the film.                                  

Seriously.  What the Heck is This???

Another problem I have with this film is that I don’t know who the target audience is for “Cool World”.  The story and the subjects that come up in this film suggest that it was made for adults, but the animation looks like something you’d see in a children’s Saturday morning cartoon.  I wouldn’t actually be surprised if a lot of parents took their children to see this film in theatres when it was first released because the animation is so reminiscent of the early Disney and Warner Brothers cartoons.  If I had to decide I’d say that “Cool World” is definitely more of an adult movie, but for every adult theme I saw in this movie I saw about three other things that made me think of a children’s cartoon.  There is just nothing consistent about this film.                                              

I don’t think anyone should ever see this movie.  “Cool World” is just too unintelligent and too confusing for most human minds to grasp, and that goes for both children and adults.  Throughout the duration of this film I kept finding more and more things to complain about and hate about this movie.  The only part I actually liked about this film was Brad Pitt because even though this was a really shitty movie with a really shitty script, he still tried his best to be a serious actor and do the best job he could, but unfortunately this is one of those rare instances where Brad Pitt’s presence cannot stop a movie from sucking.  I think all copies of “Cool World” should be gathered and then placed in an airplane, and then that airplane should be flown into the mouth of an active volcano so they can all be destroyed, and the painful memories people have of this film will quickly fade away into obscurity.  And if after all this you’re still naïve enough (or more likely STUPID enough)to see this film then I have no sympathy for you because I tried to warn you about how terrible this film was and instead you let your own ignorance get in the way 100% your fault!    

A review of "Witchery"

Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Witchery”

By: Brian Cotnoir

     This is one of those films that is so bad that it’s actually very entertaining.  After doing some further research into the film, I have discovered that this film has a few different titles. “La Casa 4” and “Witchcraft” are two popular names for this film, but for the sake of avoiding confusion we will refer this film to what it was referred to when I watched it, “Witchery”.  Even more shocking to me is that “Witchery” (which is known as “La Casa 4” in Italy) is the first sequel to “La Casa 3” which is often referred to as the “Unofficial Evil Dead 3”?!  I never knew there was such a thing as an “Evil Dead 3”! I always just assumed that “Army of Darkness” was “Evil Dead 3”, but apparently I was wrong.                                   

 So the story of “Witchery” actually takes place in an abandoned hotel off the coast of Massachusetts where our main characters Gary and Linda—played by David Hasselhoff and Catherine Hickland—are doing research on witchcraft.  While conducting their research in the abandoned hotel the “island” is invaded by realtors and family that is thinking about buying the property.  Hasselhoff, Hickland, and the others get stranded on the island and have to spend the night in the old abandoned hotel, and after that some crazy, spooky things begin to happen and all hell breaks loose.                                      

  This film is nothing like the “Evil Dead” films. They share some aspects, but to call “Witchery” a sequel to “Evil Dead” is a flat out lie!  The acting in this film is terrible; only David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair do any real acting and Hasselhoff still is no Ash. I actually liked the bad acting though.  It made me laugh hysterically and that was the one thing that kept me from hating this movie.                                           

 Also I liked that I’ve actually been to a lot of the places where “Witchery” was filmed and I didn’t even realize it.  I’ve spent a lot of my childhood on Cape Cod and to see some of the places I’ve been in the film was just exciting and made me want to go back for a visit.  “Witchery” is a corny/campy film and even if you’re a person who’s a real wuss when it comes to horror movies, then this is the film for you!