Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “Hansel vs. Gretel”
By: Brian Cotnoir
Back in 2013 I saw a dreadful Horror film called “Hansel & Gretel”, which was made by The Asylum as a low budget knock-off of “Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters”. Even though, I didn’t review either of these films on the blog, I did not think highly of either film. Then while browsing Netflix this past week, I came across another film with a similar title this one called “Hansel vs. Gretel”, and much to my surprise it was a sequel to the Asylums “Hansel & Gretel”. So how bad can the sequel be to a film that was so bad, I didn’t even feel the need to review it? Well let’s take a look.
So the story continues off with Hansel (played once again by Actor Brent Lydic) who travels the country in his sketchy white van to hunt and vanquish witches. Meanwhile his sister Gretel (now played by actress Lili Baross) continues to own and operate The Gingerbread House bakery that was left to her by Lillith (aka the Witch they killed in the first film). It is then established that Hansel and Gretel has been somewhat estranged. Gretel has stayed in town to run the bakery—which is more popular than ever—and Hansel travels to country slaying witches with little to no contact with his family. Gretel hopes Hansel will stay in town and move back in with her and their grandmother, but Hansel has other plans in mind. Hansel suspects a covenant of witches—related to Lilith—may be responsible for the disappearance of one of their friends and might possibly be trying to bait and trap Hansel and his sister. Unbeknownst to Hansel his sister Gretel has been experimenting with witchcraft, and is planning to double-cross her brother and the covenant of Witches for her own personal gain.
|You did better this time Brent|
So no surprises here, that the acting in a production from the Asylum is quite lackluster. I will say this though, actor Brent Lydic has improved as an actor greatly in the two years since “Hansel & Gretel”, but still he’s know Brad Pitt. “Hansel vs. Gretel” isn’t that stand out of a film, but it does have a few things going for it. One thing that the film has going for it is that it is better than “Hansel & Gretel”, I didn’t’ find it as boring as the first film, and like I said the acting—slightly—improved. “Hansel vs. Gretel” also as some good gore and violence, but other than that not much stands out.
|You on the other hand....well you weren't as good|
Now let’s talk about what I didn’t like about this film. For one thing there are plot holes galore. For one thing, I like how Gretel claims that she followed Lilith’s secret Meat Pie Recipe, when the pies they people are eating are clearly fruit filled. Also, how the hell did the witches manage to kidnap Gretel and the other girl so quickly without either Hansel or Jacob (the other main guy) noticing? Oh, and the final battle between Hansel and Gretel has the worst fight choreography I’ve seen in a film since “Fading of the Cries”.
No surprises here that “Hansel vs. Gretel” is a bad movie that is only slightly better than its predecessor. You can go ahead and skip “Hansel vs. Gretel” there is nothing of importance and significance. I mean The Asylum has released stuff more decent and entertaining than “Hansel vs. Gretel”, so there’s absolutely no need to waste your time on this splat trek film.