Confessions of a Film Junkie: A review of “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner”
By: Brian Cotnoir
Oh, The Asylum Film Studios. Your films somehow keep ending up on this blog. You’re becoming a staple on this blog just like shark movies, John Wayne Gacy references, and Corin Nemec. Though to be fair, none of you should be surprised that I would watch and review films from the Mock-buster Kings for this blog. So this week I take a look at the 3rd Film I’ve reviewed this year from The Asylum this year, that film being “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner”.
|I love it when people who arent in the film|
are on the DVD cover
So “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner” is the story of a nerdy girl named Chrissy. Chrissy is as intelligent as she is socially awkward. She isn’t popular amongst her sorority sisters. She is dating a fratboy named Brad as a condition of living in her Sorority house. Brad breaks up with Chrissy to date Bambi (a girl in Chrissy’s sorority), and now Chrissy has 24-hours to find a new fratboy boyfriend or she gets kicked out her sorority (and for some reason loses her scholarship too?). While poking around the Science Lab, Chrissy opens a storage freezer and discovers a zombie boy named Rigo. Chrissy finds out through her professor, Dr. Avon, that Rigo was once one of the top Graduate Students at the College in the 1980’s, until one night where he got super high and tried to take a shower in a machine that altered his DNA and turned him into a zombie. Chrissy also finds out from Dr. Avon that Rigo is able to keep his desire for human flesh in line because he still smokes a ton of weed. Now, it’s up to Chrissy to get Rigo into a rival Frat House so she can keep her residence and scholarship.
Holy Shnikes! This is one of the Most Ridiculous films I’ve reviewed so far. I mean it’s so absurd, and yet I still found it to be entertaining. This film contains gratuitous amounts of hardcore nudity (starting with the opening scene) and it only gets more progressive from that point on, but hey I’m not complaining.
|Oh God we're in a terrible movie|
Want to know what I will complain about: the story! Okay, I know I shouldn’t expect a great screenplay from a film studio that is known most notoriously for a film about a giant tornado made of sharks. However, I feel the story of “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner” is even too ridiculous for The Asylum. It’s very apparent that nobody who worked on this film went to an actual college: The way that college is parodied in “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner” is very unbelievable, and it feels more like it’s more like the Worlds Craziest High School rather than an actual college. It is totally unbelievable. Also, I honestly do believe that the people whoever wrote and directed this film was completely baked out of their minds. That’s the only logical explanation for why the plot is so disorganized and confusing. In all actuality Chrissy’s main objective is completely solved in the first half of the film. I just felt like the last 45 minutes of the film the director pretty much just pointed his camera at a bunch of people and told them that they can do whatever the hell they want! Again, that was the only logical conclusion I could come up with.
As for the characters, I’m not going
to waste my or your time describing most of them because they are just your generic,
run-of-the-mill film stereotypes: There’s
nerdy girl, the popular b!tch girl, the trampy girls, the fratboys, the jocks,
the bros, the unattractive nerds, the stoners; literally every single college
(and High School) character stereotype is in this film. The only character, I found of any value in
this film was Chrissy’s brother, Spike.
Spike is a DJ, a major stoner, and is pretty much the only comedic part
of the film.
|Yeah, that's about to happen|
So that’s my review of “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner”; it’s a film that’s as disorganized as one of Edward D. Wood, Jr’s films and contains enough full frontal nudity that it borderlines on Soft-Core Porn. So should you see this film? If you consider yourself to be a film connoisseur then you should avoid this film by all costs necessary. If you are a teenage boy or an adult male with the mentality and maturity of a teenage boy who just wants to see mindless violence and female nudity then by all means enjoy your Crapfest of a film.