Thursday, August 16, 2012

5 Reasons Why I Think "Crank 2" is the Greatest Movie Ever Made


Confessions of a Film Junkie: Five Reasons Why I Think “Crank 2” is the Greatest Movie Ever Made!

     It is a question as old as the Age of Film: What’s the Greatest Movie Ever Made?  Most people would loudly proclaim films like “Citizen Kane”, “Vertigo”, “The God Father, or “Titanic” to be the greatest movie ever made.  I would respectfully disagree.  All though I think the above mentioned films are good and influential, I don’t think any of them hold a candle to the awesomeness that is “Crank 2: High Voltage”.  Since seeing this film for the first time about a month ago, it has replaced “Cashback” as my favorite film, and I would even go so far as to argue that it is also the greatest movie ever made.  What about this film is so great I think it deserves such a prestigious title?  Well, I’ve come up with 5 Good Reason, so enjoy, and learn why you to should believe that “Crank 2: High Voltage” is the greatest movie ever made.

1.)    ACTION!!!

This movie has soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much action!  The film carries on form the first “Crank” movie, which shows our protagonist, Chev Chelios” surviving a fall from a freaking helicopter!  From that point on the action just progresses.  Throughout this film there is just scene after scene of constant action; We see Jason Statham being placed in multiple scenes of danger and being constantly electrocuted, blazing gun fights, a hooker being run over by a car, high speed car chases, and a guy being sodomized with a shot gun, and this film does not take any breaks from the action.  You have to be honest with yourself that even in your personal favorite movie there’s a scene or two that you find really boring and contemplate fast forwarding through or skipping it entirely each time you watch it.  “Crank 2: High Voltage” provides so much action then there isn’t time to be bored or be left un-entertained.

2.)    The Cast

This film features Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez (aka Pedro from “Napoleon Dynamite”), and Bai Ling as some of its main characters.  That’s freaking awesome, but it also features dozens of great celebrity cameos, whichI am a huge fan of.   “Crank 2: High Voltage” has a lot of celebrity cameos that include many greats such as The Late David Carradine & Corey Haim, Clifton Collins Jr., Geri Haliwell (Of the Spice Girls), Ron Jeremy, UFC Fighter Keith Jardine, and Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington.  Even the actors that don’t have few to no lines are memorable?  How many films can you name where you can honestly say to yourself, “that extra standing in the background was so memorable” ?.

3.)    One-Liners

Most People hate films that use one-liners.  I on the other hand happen to find them quite enjoyable.  I like them almost as much as I enjoy quirky celebrity cameos. This film has a number of outrageously hilarious lines such as:
·         “What is that fucking cunt-anese”,
·         “Is Doc Miles going to have to choke a bitch”,  
·         “Whose got my fucking strawberry tart”,
·         “That’s Japanese, El Torito.  Chinese don’t eat that shit”
·         “You are my shiny lunch box”
·         “Did I drop some change or did I just hear a CHINK!”
·         “You want me to drop the hammer”
·         “I’d bet my grandma’s coochie that he’s down at the race track”
·         And my personal favorite “Chicken & Broccoli”

The List outrageous one-liners goes on, but those were just a few of my personal favorites.

4.)    For a Made Up Sequel It Holds up pretty nicely

It’s no surprise that the acting/directing duo of Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor did not intend for there to be a sequel to the original “Crank” film, but much to my surprise their attempts to write a sequel to the first “Crank” movie holds up pretty nicely.  This films not like an “Evil Dead 2” or a “Devils Rejects” were they are implied sequels, but the stories don’t really sync up well, it’s an actual sequel.  I only really found two major plot holes in the second film, and they were both not mentioning two new characters in the first film that were implied that we should have known in the second film.  I mean at the end of the first film (Spoilers!) When Chev Chelios falls out of the helicopter, they don’t ever imply that he died, so it gave the creative team of Neveldine & Taylor an ideal opportunity to write a sequel, and I think they did a great job and they should be proud (and so help me God they better be working on a “Crank 3” right now!)

5.)    How Seriously it takes itself

This films story is crap, the dialogue is a extremely cheesy, and it is so over-the top and ridiculous to the point of stupidity...but damn it everyone still gave it their 100% best effort.  The writers/directors new this film was a joke, the actors new this film was a joke, and I’m pretty sure the studio new this film was going to be a joke, but I am still very impressed that all the actors and the film crew put together a film that takes itself seriously and clearly shows they put a lot of effort and professionalism into the making of this film, and this reason alone should be enough to convince you that this is the GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.

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